Warning: The following article expresses views that may be perceived as controversial. We believe in airing a broad variety of opinion in this forum. All comments on this article will be responded to by the article’s author, and not by TheDatingDope.com’s administration team. -Ed.
Have you heard of swingers? If not, let me fill you in. I was shocked when I recently found out about them.
Swingers are a group of heterosexual people who are married or in a long term relationship. These people do not believe in monogamy. In fact, they are people who have multiple sexual partners while they are in a marriage or a committed relationship.
Unfortunately, these people do not see that having sex with someone else mocks what marriage is all about. Marriage is a committed relationship between two people who have vowed to love each other for all eternity. As part of this commitment, the couple can never have a sexual relationship with anybody else.
Faithfulness and fidelity are important aspects of any committed relationship. It is true that any person in a committed relationship may still feel attraction for someone else other than their partner. But the attraction must there. If my partner started working at making something more out of that attraction, she is definitely being unfaithful to me. And that means that she is not ready to be in a committed relationship.
Being committed means you will only have one person to love. And it shocked me that many married people are swingers. So why get married if you still want to have sex with somebody else? Baffling!
Why I cannot be a swinger
One of the 10 Commandments is “Thou shall not covet thy neighbor’s wife.” Swinging breaks this commandment. Incredibly, there is a group who call themselves “the Christian Swingers.” Are they out of their minds?
I know that swingers may say that I am being self-righteous just because I am religious. I don’t believe that I am. I confess that I feel attracted toward people aside from my wife, but that’s all there is. I may appreciate and look at a beautiful woman whom I pass by on the street, but I would never approach her and attempt to befriend her. I would definitely not ever entertain the idea of sleeping with her. I am a married man who loves my wife dearly and will continue loving her until I die—it as simple as that.
That is what marriage is all about. Yes, swingers may say that I am lying to myself by saying that I can be satisfied by sleeping with only one woman for the rest of my life. But it’s not a lie. It is a fact. I don’t see myself getting tired of sleeping with my wife.
We are all sinners; we all feel temptations. But, we must strive to live in as God-like a fashion as possible. After all, we were created according to His image and likeness.
I believe that whoever founded the swinger’s movement is someone who simply wants to legalize polygamy. Probably a Mormon. It is not about being open-minded. Polygamy is about not thinking of the other person’s feelings. Polygamy is about disrespect and mistrust. Polygamy is about living a life without rules. Life cannot be lived without rules because that will bring chaos.
I know I could never be in a relationship with someone who thinks that way. I understand that the swinger husband always comes home to the swinger wife, but still. I don’t want to share my wife with somebody else, and I won’t share myself with somebody else other than my wife.
I read that swingers usually meet in night clubs and try hard to recruit other people to join their screwball club. I hope that I get to talk to a swinger someday. I would love to give him or her a piece of my mind.
I wish that (sooner rather than later) swinging starts to decline in popularity. I hope that someday they will realize that it is very wrong to live such a lifestyle. Maybe someday they will come to understand that their pride and greed have completely degraded their morality and character. God never created us to become swingers and to live a life of hedonistic abandon. He created us to be like Him: messengers of love, faith, and hope.
Related posts:
- Is It Old-fashioned to Believe in Marriage?
- Realism vs. Idealism in Relationships
- Pre-nuptial Agreements
September 14th, 2009 at 7:29 pm
Sorry, but whoever wrote this is completely insane. Who the hell are you to judge an entire group of people like that? What’s WRONG with you?
Also, how the hell do you go through your entire life without hearing of “swingers”? Are you Amish?
December 31st, 2009 at 1:53 am
I’d like to apologize for that closed minded religious dude. I am a christian and I would never tell anyone how to live. It is not my right. People like that are an embarassment to my faith. While I do not choose the swinging lifestyle and live a pretty conservative life, I believe sermonizing strangers and “giving them a piece of your mind” is a good way to offend them and will not create change in the world.
September 14th, 2009 at 8:47 pm
after reading this i wonder how one can be so insane everyday of their life. It must be tiring.
September 14th, 2009 at 9:17 pm
Max,
We wouldn’t want to judge an entire group of people, now would we? Heaven forbid! I mean, no one judges the nazis, right? Or pedophiles? Or serial killers – of course not. That would be judgemental, wouldn’t it?
Just because a group contains many people doesn’t mean you can’t condemn it. How can *anyone* justify “swinging”? If you want to sleep around, that’s your prerogative. But, why get married and still do it?
I don’t agree with either lifestyle – and yes, I am judging. Judging itself isn’t a bad thing, esp in this context. If you want to debate, fine. But, at least be intellectually honest, Mr. Max.
September 15th, 2009 at 5:58 pm
Are you SERIOUSLY equating swingers with Nazis, serial killers, and pedophiles?
Let me break it down for you:
Those groups you mentioned are groups of people who have committed horrible crimes and inflicted unimaginable suffering upon other human beings.
Swingers are adults who have chosen to have consensual sex outside of the traditional bounds of monogamy.
Just because they don’t subscribe to your dysfunctional, Bronze Age ideas on morality does not make them equal to the right-wing fascists that murdered millions of human beings during the 1940′s.
September 14th, 2009 at 9:53 pm
I hope to find the “one” living in the principle that once married, you commit yourself to your other half. No hanky-panky, sidelines or extra curricular activities involved. I admire you for posting this. Men like you are nearly extinct.
September 14th, 2009 at 11:22 pm
Who are you to condemn people for not adhering to your idea of what a marriage is about? Aside from those laid down by laws, the boundaries of a marriage can only defined by the married couple. People get married because they want to spend the rest of their lives together, but that doesn’t mean that they must be monogamous in every activity they perform. You don’t have to eat every meal with your spouse, nor do you have to work at the same job or engage in the same hobbies, so why should sex be held up on a pedestal? If a married couple decides that they are ok with each other having multiple sexual partners, that’s their business, not yours, even if it offends your moral sensibilities. What consenting adults do in their private time may offend or disgust you, but that doesn’t give you the right to condemn them for actions that do no harm to anyone involved.
September 15th, 2009 at 5:21 am
Er, why is it that *the same* people who claim moral superiority because they say “sex should not be the most important reason why you love/live with a person” in the same breath state that sex with one person only is the most important definer of a marriage?
This, my friend, is hypocrisy.
I would not marry someone so he’d keep it in his pants for anyone but me.
I’d marry him to wake up with him every morning.
So his toothbrush would be next to mine.
So he would come home from work, and it would be our home that greets him.
So we can argue about where to put the sofa.
To tell the whole world I’ll love him till I die.
So I can take his freedom that he trusted me with, and return it to him complete and untouched – because I love him, and respect him as a person, not just an extension of my ego.
Nunsuch´s last blog ..Good Vibes Toys – G-Twist review
September 20th, 2009 at 8:52 pm
Very well said. If you want to swing around, then don’t get married. As simple as that.
September 15th, 2009 at 6:10 am
As far as I’m concerned, as long as two people are open about it and agree to it, who exactly is it hurting? Sam Moorcroft, don’t you think comparing swingers to nazis, pedophiles or serial killers is a bit extreme? Why is being a swinger such a problem? You don’t have to partake, but why should you get to restrict the activities of others? It’s their choice, it’s their business, get over it.
September 15th, 2009 at 8:33 am
How about the kids? Or, do they not count? Why are supporters of this “lifestyle” so offended by condemnation? At the root of this is a belief that what they are doing is abhorrent and un-natural, IMHO. That explains the defensiveness.
“No harm done to anyone”. What a crock.
September 15th, 2009 at 12:31 pm
You’ve got that rather backwards. Yes, people can get defensive about things they know are wrong, but what would happen if someone came out and criticized YOUR way of life? People get defensive of religion when it is accused of being wrong/stupid/pointless, but at the same time people get defensive of atheism when accused of being immoral/heathens/etc. By your logic, both are wrong? Or, a better example, there are people out there who HATE marriage, who think it’s a terrible idea and that no one should ever do it; if someone gets defensive about marriage, does that mean marriage IS wrong?
Show me someone who is condemned for something and doesn’t get offended by or defensive because of it.
Finally, justify your mocking of “No harm done to anyone”. Who, exactly, does swinging harm? Especially amongst childless couples, to stay away from the argument about whether or not being aware of sexuality is harmful to children.
September 15th, 2009 at 9:02 am
My parents were swingers and were pretty open about the subject to me growing up. I turned out pretty normal, I’m finishing school at the moment and on my way to a lucrative career, I’m in a healthy relationship with my girlfriend of two years, and my over all moral compass points towards the side of good. I would never swing myself but I don’t condemn their behaviour. I guess some people just fear what they do not understand.
September 15th, 2009 at 8:42 pm
You guys really are a weird bunch. I just don’t get how you can get married and promise to be faithful and then be okay with cheating. If all you want to do is sleep around why get married in the first place?? Don’t you see how you are hurting yourselves?
I guess most of you don’t believe in God either so that’s your loss and maybe the cause of your strange ideas. I know I’m telling the truth and am doing the right thing.
I think you all are sad. I will pray for you.
September 16th, 2009 at 1:42 am
>I will pray for you.
Only fair, given that we’re doing all the thinking.
September 16th, 2009 at 2:00 am
>If all you want to do is sleep around why get married in the first place??
You seem to be having trouble conceiving of a relationship that does not fit rigidly into your cookie-cutter ideas of marriage. If a man and a woman love each other very much and want to spend their lives together, that should be reason enough for them to get married. Sex is not the defining aspect of marriage. A couples marriage isn’t meaningless just because their sexual relationship doesn’t conform to your preconceived notions of marital intimacy.
>Don’t you see how you are hurting yourselves?
Can you provide evidence that swinging hurts those involved in it? Yes, sometimes it can end in ruined relationships, but monogamous relationships can end terribly as well. Please tell me what harm can come from consensual polyamory that can not rise from a bad monogamous relationship?
>I will pray for you.
Only fair that you do the praying, given that you don’t seem doing much thinking
September 15th, 2009 at 10:08 pm
I am religious and I think marriage is one of the 7 sacraments and that needs to be valued. Swinging is definitely need not to be practiced if you’re a devoted christian. But I also believe in freedom of choices. Do whatever makes you happy as long as both are open to the idea. So I say be like dogs. Biatch!
September 16th, 2009 at 4:09 pm
Classic. I l just like how you said it. Swing it all the time baby. Life’s too short to put so much dramas on it.
September 17th, 2009 at 4:14 pm
We’re not dogs people. We’re human beings. Swinging is immoral and should never be practiced by anyone.
September 20th, 2009 at 10:56 pm
I just think it’s sad when we start requiring “warning” disclaimers because monogamy might be considered controversial or offensive.
September 21st, 2009 at 8:37 pm
If both parties are open to swinging, go. Enjoy life. Be adventurous. Do whatever makes us happy.
September 22nd, 2009 at 8:58 pm
You nailed it. It’s about choices and if both parties have no problem about it, why not?
March 25th, 2010 at 12:00 am
Yes right! Easy to say but hard to do. Love swinging though!
October 10th, 2009 at 7:52 pm
Every woer written here is not just a waste of tim but of thought also. Ther point is that if u are a swinger then u dont think of it as cheqting!!! u simpli love your partner and a part of loving someone is wanting to see them happy. So if random sex turnes my woman on then random sex she shall have. U forget the very important point that sex is altough an inportnt part of a loving relationsip is not love in it self. IT´S JUST FUCKING U STUPID FUCK!!! Thease people still love each other just as mutch as u love your wife the but difference is they let each other be happy with what is a mutural and pleasurable arangement.
November 12th, 2009 at 1:43 am
Wow. Serious cajones to you sir! I believe you are right on this one and besides, i’ve seen a history of friends try and get burned and their marriages suffer badly because of ‘have your cake and eat it’ syndrome that swinging offers, but never works. I agree with you.
November 13th, 2009 at 6:13 pm
Just to throw my hat in the pot –
“This said the LORD, Behold, I will raise up evil against thee out of thine own house, and I will take thy wives before thine eyes, and give them unto thy neighbour, and he shall lie with thy wives in the sight of this sun.” (II Samuel 12:11)
God condones swinging – its written in the Bible.
January 1st, 2010 at 9:31 am
Swingers are spoiled. They want their cake and eat it too. Seriously. They don’t want to be condemned, but they will only swing with ohter couples, not single folks? You only qualify if you have another to offer? Is that right? Have at it.
April 23rd, 2010 at 2:56 pm
First of all you made swinging sound like just having multiple sexual partners, while in the real world it’s the sexual intercourse between two married or dating couples, while swapping and it doesn’t necessarily need to be between 2.
Second of all, it’s your opinion and everyone has the right to it.
But ultimately it’s everyones personal choice.
James´s last blog ..How Dating Has Changed Over The Years
May 10th, 2010 at 2:29 am
How ignorant and judgemental can you be?! A Mormon came up with swinging?? You make me sick you are soo ignorant and judgemental. I was raised MORMON and NO they aren’t swingers!