Against swingers

Mon, Sep 14, 2009

Articles

Warning: The following article expresses views that may be perceived as controversial. We believe in airing a broad variety of opinion in this forum. All comments on this article will be responded to by the article’s author, and not by TheDatingDope.com’s administration team. -Ed.

Have you heard of swingers? If not, let me fill you in. I was shocked when I recently found out about them.

Swingers are a group of heterosexual people who are married or in a long term relationship. These people do not believe in monogamy. In fact, they are people who have multiple sexual partners while they are in a marriage or a committed relationship.

Unfortunately, these people do not see that having sex with someone else mocks what marriage is all about. Marriage is a committed relationship between two people who have vowed to love each other for all eternity. As part of this commitment, the couple can never have a sexual relationship with anybody else.

Faithfulness and fidelity are important aspects of any committed relationship. It is true that any person in a committed relationship may still feel attraction for someone else other than their partner. But the attraction must there. If my partner started working at making something more out of that attraction, she is definitely being unfaithful to me. And that means that she is not ready to be in a committed relationship.

Being committed means you will only have one person to love. And it shocked me that many married people are swingers. So why get married if you still want to have sex with somebody else? Baffling!

Why I cannot be a swinger

One of the 10 Commandments is “Thou shall not covet thy neighbor’s wife.” Swinging breaks this commandment. Incredibly, there is a group who call themselves “the Christian Swingers.” Are they out of their minds?

I know that swingers may say that I am being self-righteous just because I am religious. I don’t believe that I am. I confess that I feel attracted toward people aside from my wife, but that’s all there is. I may appreciate and look at a beautiful woman whom I pass by on the street, but I would never approach her and attempt to befriend her. I would definitely not ever entertain the idea of sleeping with her. I am a married man who loves my wife dearly and will continue loving her until I die—it as simple as that.

That is what marriage is all about. Yes, swingers may say that I am lying to myself by saying that I can be satisfied by sleeping with only one woman for the rest of my life. But it’s not a lie. It is a fact. I don’t see myself getting tired of sleeping with my wife.

We are all sinners; we all feel temptations. But, we must strive to live in as God-like a fashion as possible. After all, we were created according to His image and likeness.

I believe that whoever founded the swinger’s movement is someone who simply wants to legalize polygamy. Probably a Mormon. It is not about being open-minded. Polygamy is about not thinking of the other person’s feelings. Polygamy is about disrespect and mistrust. Polygamy is about living a life without rules. Life cannot be lived without rules because that will bring chaos.

I know I could never be in a relationship with someone who thinks that way. I understand that the swinger husband always comes home to the swinger wife, but still. I don’t want to share my wife with somebody else, and I won’t share myself with somebody else other than my wife.

I read that swingers usually meet in night clubs and try hard to recruit other people to join their screwball club. I hope that I get to talk to a swinger someday. I would love to give him or her a piece of my mind.

I wish that (sooner rather than later) swinging starts to decline in popularity. I hope that someday they will realize that it is very wrong to live such a lifestyle. Maybe someday they will come to understand that their pride and greed have completely degraded their morality and character. God never created us to become swingers and to live a life of hedonistic abandon. He created us to be like Him: messengers of love, faith, and hope.

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73 Responses to “Against swingers”

  1. Max Says:

    Sorry, but whoever wrote this is completely insane. Who the hell are you to judge an entire group of people like that? What’s WRONG with you?

    Also, how the hell do you go through your entire life without hearing of “swingers”? Are you Amish?

    Reply

    • Jacqueline Stoutenburg Says:

      I’d like to apologize for that closed minded religious dude. I am a christian and I would never tell anyone how to live. It is not my right. People like that are an embarassment to my faith. While I do not choose the swinging lifestyle and live a pretty conservative life, I believe sermonizing strangers and “giving them a piece of your mind” is a good way to offend them and will not create change in the world.

      Reply

  2. Anon Says:

    after reading this i wonder how one can be so insane everyday of their life. It must be tiring.

    Reply

  3. Sam Moorcroft Says:

    Max,

    We wouldn’t want to judge an entire group of people, now would we? Heaven forbid! I mean, no one judges the nazis, right? Or pedophiles? Or serial killers – of course not. That would be judgemental, wouldn’t it?

    Just because a group contains many people doesn’t mean you can’t condemn it. How can *anyone* justify “swinging”? If you want to sleep around, that’s your prerogative. But, why get married and still do it?

    I don’t agree with either lifestyle – and yes, I am judging. Judging itself isn’t a bad thing, esp in this context. If you want to debate, fine. But, at least be intellectually honest, Mr. Max.

    Reply

    • Dave Says:

      Are you SERIOUSLY equating swingers with Nazis, serial killers, and pedophiles?

      Let me break it down for you:

      Those groups you mentioned are groups of people who have committed horrible crimes and inflicted unimaginable suffering upon other human beings.

      Swingers are adults who have chosen to have consensual sex outside of the traditional bounds of monogamy.

      Just because they don’t subscribe to your dysfunctional, Bronze Age ideas on morality does not make them equal to the right-wing fascists that murdered millions of human beings during the 1940’s.

      Reply

      • Just a guy Says:

        Living outside of traditional monogamy is an oxymoron. You are either monagomous or not. The word implies a singular commitment m friend. Swinging has created a farce which only shades the truth with confusion. People will say its your body do what you want to, but how many swing perform oral sex with a condom on? Once you have passed an std orally your have decided to do with someone else’s body as you wanted. There will ALWAYS be an irresponsible swinger member carrying something to the party, and if you so choose to beary your head in the sand and eat an STD and pass it on to an unsuspecting couple than by all means dig in. Sex is fun and great and relaxing, but the sanctity of marriage, once meant the safety that your partner was clean and you both were never going to touch another, this guaranties that you will never catch a disease by sexual contact. But these days it has got so out of control swingers would never know where or who gave them anything. I don’t know about you but I feel life is too short as it is. Time is better spent getting to know your partner so well that you never get bored with them in the bed or otherwise. People in general have lost respect for each other and move on too quickly without retrospect. This creates the need for more sex. If you feel that sex with your spouse is not enough then you need to seriously think about why you married them in the first place. Why does marriage even exist anymore for that matter? Why promise yourself to that deep a commitment if you can’t keep to it? You are only lying to yourself and trying to create a society which has been attempted in the past of sexual freedom. Those societies collapse because their only grounds for existing was to belong to a group that they believe excepts them for who they are. Consensual sex is a ridiculous term. Anyone can consent to having sex, you don’t have to be married. In conclusion, don’t ever get married and cheapen what it stands for. Create your own original bonding ceremony and commit to it. Call it something like free-sex-mate. Leave words with meaning alone and quit trying to rationalize cheating on your spouse. Remember if your are a man the last thing you should ever want is your wife to be dominated by another man. If you are a woman you should never allow your spouse to be pleasures by another woman. What are we? Intelligent beings that are conscious of our actions? Or are we no better than a large pack of wild animals , incapable of sexual restraint and mating with everyone on the planet?

        Reply

        • show and tell Says:

          Wow! Just to inform those who judge swingers. Better to be honest with the person you will be spending the rest of your life with, who you adore, who you enjoy being with, who is your best friend, Marriage for swingers is the same commitment as for any other marriage. We don’t Cheat on each other, we play together.
          Many who are quick to judge us, cheat like crazy, then pretend to be faithful……watch out if they get caught.
          Fantastic for the few that actually are faithful to their spouses, a very small percentage. Nice but boring!
          and Fantastic to those that know that honestly is always the best for any relationship.

          Before you judge swingers, realize that we don’t get divorced over sex with someone else, you do!

          Reply

          • hotlips Says:

            Trying not judge, actually trying to understand since this is something my husband wants to do. I do have problems with how so many swingers say this is playtime and others are playmates (which in the context of the sentences says playthings). People are more than a walking breathing blow up doll, dildo or as my husband likes to say a canoe or bike. Being that I pursued this type of lifestyle of sorts before I was married and was into doing whatever felt good as long as all parties agreed, I know (1) what I’m talking about and (2) how it feels to be a “thing” even when my lady parts got all the scratching they wanted, I was still a thing (yest these were caring guys) and the guys were just a thing. We (meaning humans) get used all the time in everyday life, why do we want others to use people we love and why do we want to use others?

            Reply

            • intuition897 Says:

              Some people are wired for non-monogamy and some are not. It sounds to me like you are not wired for it. If it feels like a negative behaviour, for you, it is and you should not engage in it. We don’t ‘use’ other human beings. We view it as the privilege of being a temporary guest in their personal space, getting to experience this other person with all five senses. It is a shared experience with a near-complete stranger that – for us at least – underlines a common thread that we are all just human, we’re all imperfect, and we’re all worthy of being loved and respected. The goal is simply to have that positive experience, add it to our bucket of good memories, and take it with us when we part ways. None of us take it personally when the other party has no interest in getting married to us and getting a golden retriever and a house in the ‘burbs. Just because we don’t want a LTR out of it, doesn’t mean it can’t be a beautiful thing. If you are unable to see it as anything but positive, just don’t do it.

              Reply

  4. Ara Says:

    I hope to find the “one” living in the principle that once married, you commit yourself to your other half. No hanky-panky, sidelines or extra curricular activities involved. I admire you for posting this. Men like you are nearly extinct.

    Reply

  5. Josh Says:

    Who are you to condemn people for not adhering to your idea of what a marriage is about? Aside from those laid down by laws, the boundaries of a marriage can only defined by the married couple. People get married because they want to spend the rest of their lives together, but that doesn’t mean that they must be monogamous in every activity they perform. You don’t have to eat every meal with your spouse, nor do you have to work at the same job or engage in the same hobbies, so why should sex be held up on a pedestal? If a married couple decides that they are ok with each other having multiple sexual partners, that’s their business, not yours, even if it offends your moral sensibilities. What consenting adults do in their private time may offend or disgust you, but that doesn’t give you the right to condemn them for actions that do no harm to anyone involved.

    Reply

    • EroticaLifeStyle Says:

      Well put. If you can’t enjoy life as you see fit, then you might as well end it. Do as you will, as long as you’re not inflicting physical harm to anyone and forcing anyone to do something they don’t want. Go for and enjoy your life to the fullest.

      I have been married to the same woman for twenty years and we swing once in awhile and it has not had a negative effect on us. The key here is trust, communication and respect.

      There are more divorces due to cheating spouses, than swingers. Due to the fact, that they are working off the same page.

      Just my perspective, oh and by the way we are religious and I do feel bad for the narrow, shallow minded idiot who actually started all this crap. Poor sexually repressed sap.

      Reply

    • Just a guy Says:

      Who taught you what you know about what marriage means? Laws aside, you should study the history of marriage and why it exists in every culture. It’s not some bible owned tradition. It only slipped into limbo because of people’s lack of respect for it and each other.

      Reply

  6. Nunsuch Says:

    Er, why is it that *the same* people who claim moral superiority because they say “sex should not be the most important reason why you love/live with a person” in the same breath state that sex with one person only is the most important definer of a marriage?

    This, my friend, is hypocrisy.

    I would not marry someone so he’d keep it in his pants for anyone but me.

    I’d marry him to wake up with him every morning.
    So his toothbrush would be next to mine.
    So he would come home from work, and it would be our home that greets him.
    So we can argue about where to put the sofa.
    To tell the whole world I’ll love him till I die.
    So I can take his freedom that he trusted me with, and return it to him complete and untouched – because I love him, and respect him as a person, not just an extension of my ego.
    .-= Nunsuch´s last blog ..Good Vibes Toys – G-Twist review =-.

    Reply

    • Lagoon Says:

      Very well said. If you want to swing around, then don’t get married. As simple as that.

      Reply

    • funcouple Says:

      Lagoon I think you missed the point entirly. She said that she marriend for all of thoes things not so her husband couldn’t have sex with anyone else.

      Reply

      • Dortha Says:

        I’m so flattered (I’m BLUSHING!)!! Thank you, Stephanie! It’s a pleasure to be in such amazing company, and to be nominated by you. As for your random facts (I had such a hard time with this, too!), I’m obsessed with Dexter as well! It’s my guilty little plsxlure!ao,Asyesa

        Reply

  7. Liz Says:

    As far as I’m concerned, as long as two people are open about it and agree to it, who exactly is it hurting? Sam Moorcroft, don’t you think comparing swingers to nazis, pedophiles or serial killers is a bit extreme? Why is being a swinger such a problem? You don’t have to partake, but why should you get to restrict the activities of others? It’s their choice, it’s their business, get over it.

    Reply

  8. Sam Moorcroft Says:

    How about the kids? Or, do they not count? Why are supporters of this “lifestyle” so offended by condemnation? At the root of this is a belief that what they are doing is abhorrent and un-natural, IMHO. That explains the defensiveness.

    “No harm done to anyone”. What a crock.

    Reply

    • Rabbit Says:

      You’ve got that rather backwards. Yes, people can get defensive about things they know are wrong, but what would happen if someone came out and criticized YOUR way of life? People get defensive of religion when it is accused of being wrong/stupid/pointless, but at the same time people get defensive of atheism when accused of being immoral/heathens/etc. By your logic, both are wrong? Or, a better example, there are people out there who HATE marriage, who think it’s a terrible idea and that no one should ever do it; if someone gets defensive about marriage, does that mean marriage IS wrong?

      Show me someone who is condemned for something and doesn’t get offended by or defensive because of it.

      Finally, justify your mocking of “No harm done to anyone”. Who, exactly, does swinging harm? Especially amongst childless couples, to stay away from the argument about whether or not being aware of sexuality is harmful to children.

      Reply

    • EroticaLifeStyle Says:

      You’re not having sex with KIDS present, and to tell you the truth it’s none of their fucking business what goes on in their parents sex life.

      Seriously get a life you self righteous piece of crap. You probably, secretly masturbate to gay magazines.

      Reply

  9. Jon Says:

    My parents were swingers and were pretty open about the subject to me growing up. I turned out pretty normal, I’m finishing school at the moment and on my way to a lucrative career, I’m in a healthy relationship with my girlfriend of two years, and my over all moral compass points towards the side of good. I would never swing myself but I don’t condemn their behaviour. I guess some people just fear what they do not understand.

    Reply

  10. Writer Says:

    You guys really are a weird bunch. I just don’t get how you can get married and promise to be faithful and then be okay with cheating. If all you want to do is sleep around why get married in the first place?? Don’t you see how you are hurting yourselves?

    I guess most of you don’t believe in God either so that’s your loss and maybe the cause of your strange ideas. I know I’m telling the truth and am doing the right thing.

    I think you all are sad. I will pray for you.

    Reply

    • Josh Says:

      >I will pray for you.

      Only fair, given that we’re doing all the thinking.

      Reply

    • Josh Says:

      >If all you want to do is sleep around why get married in the first place??

      You seem to be having trouble conceiving of a relationship that does not fit rigidly into your cookie-cutter ideas of marriage. If a man and a woman love each other very much and want to spend their lives together, that should be reason enough for them to get married. Sex is not the defining aspect of marriage. A couples marriage isn’t meaningless just because their sexual relationship doesn’t conform to your preconceived notions of marital intimacy.

      >Don’t you see how you are hurting yourselves?

      Can you provide evidence that swinging hurts those involved in it? Yes, sometimes it can end in ruined relationships, but monogamous relationships can end terribly as well. Please tell me what harm can come from consensual polyamory that can not rise from a bad monogamous relationship?

      >I will pray for you.

      Only fair that you do the praying, given that you don’t seem doing much thinking

      Reply

    • EroticaLifeStyle Says:

      Cheating is, not being aware of the other persons actions. I have found that most self righteous people are the one’s that cheat. How ironic is that.

      Reply

  11. See Saw Says:

    I am religious and I think marriage is one of the 7 sacraments and that needs to be valued. Swinging is definitely need not to be practiced if you’re a devoted christian. But I also believe in freedom of choices. Do whatever makes you happy as long as both are open to the idea. So I say be like dogs. Biatch!

    Reply

  12. Grace Says:

    We’re not dogs people. We’re human beings. Swinging is immoral and should never be practiced by anyone.

    Reply

  13. Scot McKay Says:

    I just think it’s sad when we start requiring “warning” disclaimers because monogamy might be considered controversial or offensive.

    Reply

  14. Honey Says:

    If both parties are open to swinging, go. Enjoy life. Be adventurous. Do whatever makes us happy.

    Reply

  15. Dude Says:

    Every woer written here is not just a waste of tim but of thought also. Ther point is that if u are a swinger then u dont think of it as cheqting!!! u simpli love your partner and a part of loving someone is wanting to see them happy. So if random sex turnes my woman on then random sex she shall have. U forget the very important point that sex is altough an inportnt part of a loving relationsip is not love in it self. IT´S JUST FUCKING U STUPID FUCK!!! Thease people still love each other just as mutch as u love your wife the but difference is they let each other be happy with what is a mutural and pleasurable arangement.

    Reply

  16. Aquila Says:

    Wow. Serious cajones to you sir! I believe you are right on this one and besides, i’ve seen a history of friends try and get burned and their marriages suffer badly because of ‘have your cake and eat it’ syndrome that swinging offers, but never works. I agree with you.

    Reply

    • Just a guy Says:

      You nailed it. People claim to be happy while swinging. Of course! Sex makes us happy! But now that swingers are willing to share their partners, it provides a clever escape for them to sleep around. I heard about a swinger couple that are party host, no less. The husband met a girl at a party, took her to another city and had sex with her. Now he never had to tell his wife anything, but somehow he did. Now she considers him a cheater. They are still married but she still calls him a cheater. You see what happened? There is no consequence if sex is so cheap that your husband seeing another girl outside of your so called circle of trust, bares nothing to mind. I guess you just keep poking on for he rest of your life without a care.

      Reply

    • intuition897 Says:

      Married 21+ years and swingers since 2003. Looking forward to growing old together and causing as much trouble for the night nurses as possible in the retirement home. 😉

      Reply

  17. HiddenDesires Says:

    Just to throw my hat in the pot –

    “This said the LORD, Behold, I will raise up evil against thee out of thine own house, and I will take thy wives before thine eyes, and give them unto thy neighbour, and he shall lie with thy wives in the sight of this sun.” (II Samuel 12:11)

    God condones swinging – its written in the Bible.

    Reply

    • Tom Says:

      Please – that is about the worst out of context use of scripture I have seen in a while. That section of 2Sam has nothing to do with swinging – it was the punishment that David would be receiving for murdering the husband of the woman whom he had committed adultery with.

      He already had numerous wives and God even told him that He would have given him any woman if he had asked for another. The fact that he stole the wife of another man and then killed him was the problem. It was not either multiple wives nor concubines nor swinging.

      At least know what you are quoting before you abuse scripture.

      Tom

      Reply

  18. Chad Says:

    Swingers are spoiled. They want their cake and eat it too. Seriously. They don’t want to be condemned, but they will only swing with ohter couples, not single folks? You only qualify if you have another to offer? Is that right? Have at it.

    Reply

    • Tom Says:

      First of all, not all swinger only swing with other couples. There are a lot of singles in the lifestyle. Second, though most prefer couples, it is because there is the togetherness aspect that prevails in swinging. It is something that is done together with another couple. Otherwise, it is simply an “open marriage”.

      Third, not all swingers even have sex with another couple. Many are what is known as soft swingers, that is, they only flirt, make-out, etc with the other couple and then have sex with their own spouse. Some also have oral sex with the other couple but reserve penetrative sex for their spouse.

      Perhaps more people that are opposed to swinging, whether Christians or not, should investigate what it is before criticising it so blindly. A lot of false doctrine concerning anything sexual has been deeply rooted in the Church for centuries and scripture does not support those man made ideas and traditions.

      There is a movement growing around this issue in the Church. It is across all denominations and includes lay people (not a pun) and pastors and leaders.

      Tom

      Reply

    • EroticaLifeStyle Says:

      No, that’s not all true. But swinging is more of a couples thing. We allow single males once in awhile, but they have to click with us.

      Reply

  19. James Says:

    First of all you made swinging sound like just having multiple sexual partners, while in the real world it’s the sexual intercourse between two married or dating couples, while swapping and it doesn’t necessarily need to be between 2.

    Second of all, it’s your opinion and everyone has the right to it.
    But ultimately it’s everyones personal choice.
    .-= James´s last blog ..How Dating Has Changed Over The Years =-.

    Reply

  20. gagmewithaspoon Says:

    How ignorant and judgemental can you be?! A Mormon came up with swinging?? You make me sick you are soo ignorant and judgemental. I was raised MORMON and NO they aren’t swingers!

    Reply

    • Tom Says:

      Mormons did not invent swinging. However, the percentage of swingers that are also religious or spiritual is just as high in the Mormon church as in any other denomination. So yes, gagme, there are many Mormon swingers.

      Tom

      Reply

  21. Theron Says:

    I’ll step forward and condemn you dumb effing monkeys. FREE LOVE IS NOT FREE!!!! Um hello? Disease? Unwanted pregnancies? Jealousy? And don’t tell me you are above jealousy. I have been friends with three married couples who were into swinging and justified the lifestyle as though they had achieved a higher plane of existence and guess what? All three of these couples divorced, two of them after nasty fights stemming from jealousy issues centered around their swinging. In fact my friend’s wife even brought him home a nice scorching case of herpes. Doesn’t hurt anyone huh?

    Our society’s unhealthy obsession with sex a public health menace. Did you guys miss sex ed? IT IS NOT HEALTHY TO HAVE NUMEROUS PARTNERS. PERIOD. Condoms break. Don’t get me wrong I am an atheist and I enjoy sex very much, but if you can’t count how many people you’ve slept with in your life, it is probably indicative of psychological problems that should be dealt with. Moreover, I doubt how meaningful those sexual experiences could have possibly been. I’m guessing one step down from masterbation. Your decisions affect others. Someone could end up catching an STD from a person who made a mistake one night and ended up with one of you nasty people. Or imagine having a baby born with AIDS or hepatitis C. I condemn you because until you stupid little monkeys get over your hedonistic greed and narcissism, this world is going to suck balls!

    My advice to you. First, jerk off. Next, watch the movie “The Ice Storm” and observe how the adults in that film are hurting their children by acting like them.

    Reply

    • Kosmos Says:

      WELL SAID!

      Nevermind the fact that these idiots are harming their own so-called “other halves” who they CHOSE to marry! Especially in cases where one partner is iffy about swinging yet his bitch of a wife can’t seem to get her thoughts around fucking other peoples’ husbands & wives (sometimes animals too, given that everything is okay as long as the word ‘sex’ is involved in today’s society).

      My biggest problem with swinging – never mind the herpes etc. – is the fact that romance, the way I always wanted it monogamously, seems to be a dying thing. I don’t give a fuck what other people want to do with their privates as long as it doesn’t impede with those of us who have our own monogamous desires. Problem is, soon monogamy won’t exist. It’s so sad and pisses me off SO MUCH. No one gives an ass about those of us who actually want a relationship ov Trust & Security without swinging. Why would they care? They’ve been programmed from birth to divide & conquer.
      Politics.

      Reply

  22. Head Coach Says:

    I cannot be a swinger, at least in the sexual sense, since I’ve found that sex with no emotional attachment makes me depressed afterwards. Maybe it’s a metaphysical thing…but I don’t know for sure. At the same time I’m not against people doing what they want to do. Most of us need to learn the hard way that some things just might not be good for us. But for those people who really love it, I say leave them alone or respect their choice. It’s not like anything can stop them anyway, seeing as how prohibition only makes problems worse.
    Head Coach´s last blog post ..Kettlebell Swinging – The Hot New Swingers Lifestyle For Health

    Reply

    • Kosmos Says:

      Same here.

      Most people theze daze can’t fathom how someone could desire monogamy and even find it sexually stimulating. We’re seen as outcasts & even loathed in today’s world. I never judge anyone for swinging, but it’s damn depressing to think that we have to suffer in solitude for the rest ov our Lives because no one wants monogamy anymore. Makes me syck.

      Reply

  23. RaVeN Says:

    It is a misunderstanding of scripture to say that the Bible “only condones being faithful to one man”. The OT is full of polygamous relationships and concubunage. Did Soloman become any less one with his wives by having more than one and many more concubines? No.

    God never condemned any of it. In fact, God even told David that He would have given him all the wives he wanted (after the Bathsheeba encounter). So God can hardly be used as a valid Biblical basis for anti-swinging.

    Jesus came to set people free from the law of sin and death. That law made women inferior to men and gave men dominion over women. Women are now free to do the things that only men were able to do in the OT. That includes having sex with men that are not their husbands. However, Jesus also made the issue of body ownership equal. Husbands always “owned” their wives bodies but now wives also own their husbands’ bodies. So the man can do nothing with his body without the wife’s permission and the woman can do nothing with her body without her husband’s permission. This only applies to Christians, those that are followers of Jesus.

    So, if both husband and wife, who are Christians, agree to participate in swinging activity, they are free to do so under the law that Jesus gave us – the law of love – that supercedes the law of sin and death.

    God is specific all throughout the Bible about worshiping other gods besides Him. God uses marriage as an earthly example of how the Church is to become one with Him at the end of time, not how individuals are to become one with Him on earth. The Church is to be pure to Him in worship and faith and not entangled in other religions.

    Biblical “adultery” and “fornication” are not the same thing that we define them to be today. Biblical adultery was only when a married woman had sex with a man not her husband without her husband’s knowledge. It was theft of the husband’s property. The wife had no right to offer herself to any man other than her husband. It was a property and lineage issue, not a sexual one. That becomes even more obvious when one considers that a maried man could have a prostitute or a concubine anytime he wanted and it was never adultery.

    Fornication was the specific sin of worshipping a false god through temple prostitution. It was not about sex, but about worshipping another god with sex.

    God never did condone a man to “be one with other Dieties” and that has nothing to do with swinging. Swingers do not make “dieties” out of their sex partners, either Christians or otherwise.

    Reply

    • JS Says:

      RaVen where did you get your information from? I just want to have it on record that I’m a protestant christian (since 1990) and I think some of your information is a little ‘off’. I have never seen anything in the bible that said anything about God being okay with anyone (male or female) having sex outside of marriage. I’d also like to know where you read your interpretation of ‘adultery’ and fornication in the bible.
      And Dexter, when I said I would never attack people publicly because of their lifestyle, that is exactly what I meant. I didn’t say or mean that I do not judge. I just don’t proclaim my judgment. That’s not my place. You’re right everyone judges. I am judged regularly.

      Reply

  24. Dexter Says:

    Jacqueline Stoutenburg says : “I’d like to apologize for that closed minded religious dude. I am a christian and I would never tell anyone how to live. ”

    I’d like to point out the obvious inconsistency in this failed argument. I never grow tired of banging my head into the wall every time I hear someone say “Don’t judge people”, but those same people judge others all the time. They just have a different criteria for their judgment. For example, if there were a movement that started where children were involved in sex with adults, these same people would be at the top of the list “condemning” and “judging” those individuals. The issue here is not about judging or not judging, it is about what is right and wrong.

    All that to say, I am not sure right now if I believe that swinging is wrong, but I would be a fool to say that others are wrong for “judging” swingers, because the people judging do so out of a conviction it is wrong. People need to stop playing the “don’t judge” card because it is ridiculous and hypocritical to the highest extent.

    Reply

  25. jj Says:

    u swingers whom say ur religious are morons. Its a sin to fuck and u fuck multiple people but ur holier than art thou wat a cop out burn in hell dickheads. Swingers =dirty std infested filth of society.

    Reply

  26. chuck Says:

    You people act like its the man’s fault because the couple is in the swinger lifestyle. Well that’s not always true. A many number of couples are in the life style because the wife brought it up. I’m in the lifestyle. We don’t hurt anyone, we are nice people. If you don’t like what we do, fine I’m ok with that but don’t paint us as evil people. Acting as if your christian morals are beyond reproach. No wonder more and more people on a daily basis are turning away from your faith.

    Reply

    • Just a guy Says:

      Evil, no. Irresponsible, yes. Before you have sex at a party do you bring your latest std tests results? Some of you may, but none of the parties people I know do. You think everyone that goes are trust worthy and clean because you never caught anything yet? You are sadly mistaken. But go ahead and keep believing her mouth is clean every time your touch it with your bare penis. Or don’t consider how many dudes there had a happy ending at the massage parlor just the day before going to a party and dominating your wife. I’m sure you spend a good amount of research on your swing partners to trust them with your lives. Ask 65% of people who contracted HIV in the 80’s where they got it. Surprise they were swingers! Good luck I hope you and you spouse stay clean for the rest of your swinger days.

      Reply

  27. one girl at a time guy Says:

    I just don’t get how a man could let another man have sex with his wife. I mean would you as a man let another man act like a father to your daughter when you are around and available to being a father? Would you let another man race in your race car? Would you like if you mom acted like mother to someone that is not her child? Your wife is for you in my opinion and yours only. Now if she wants to be with another man and you with another girl….umm is that a relationship?

    Something is not connected correctly in the brain in my opinion. Kind of like a man wanting to be with another man… chemical imbalance somewhere.

    Thats my two cents. Hope I didn’t offend anyone.

    Reply

    • intuition897 Says:

      The “missing connection” you speak of is possessiveness. My husband does not own me, nor I him. We give one another the privilege of veto power, but it is not my right nor his to dictate what we can or cannot do with our bodies. If he says, “I don’t want you to be with that man.”, of course I will respect his wishes! But he recognizes it is his privilege, not his right, to say that to me. I have no desire to own my husband like a dog on a leash. I do not want him tamed and domesticated as such. I am not his babysitter. Swinging is not something we ask of one another for ourselves; it’s a gift we give to one another because we are able to do so. I don’t require him to be monogamous for me to know he adores me, so I gave him his sexuality back to do with as he pleases. Watching him have fun with that is like watching a kid in a candy store.

      Reply

  28. Cely Ann Says:

    I am under a lot of pressure from my partner of 8 years into doing “adult swinging”, which I am not agree. I love and care about him, but if continues with this pursuing I am going to leave him. To me love is without conditions, I would do anything him wants, anything to please him or to change the dynamic of sexual relationship but not swinging stuffs. It is not comfortable situation.
    Please any advice, Thanks!

    Reply

    • Kosmos Says:

      Leave him if he doesn’t respect you. Simple as that. It should be common sense & you already know the answer deep within, as much as you may not want to think about it. Nothing good will come from such disparage. This is why people need to get to KNOW their partners AND find attraction & compatibility with them prior to marriage ov all things.

      Reply

  29. Andre Says:

    wow folks u guys really need to calm down! Monogamous people should mind their own relationships rather than judge, and swingers you guys are not that innocent either you should stop calling people that disagree with this lifestyle ignorant and not open minded. If you think you have reached some superior spiritual level it is your personal opinion, maybe others find it in their enclosed married relationships. You guys are not in any way more spiritual or evolved than others. I think we all should stop insulting other peoples beliefs…who doesn’t like to be judged shouldn’t be judging either. I am personally married and devoted monogamous, but I believe that what really makes you a swinger or not is the way you love your spouse/partner. Everyone thinks different, feels different and love sure comes in different forms and shapes. Everyone has the right to enjoy the love the way it makes them feel fulfilled and happy. For me this has been always a total no no with my husband, but I admit considering it a while ago with my previous long-term partner and felt curious about everything all the time. To make it clear I loved him dearly, was my partner, my friend, I could always rely on him, with wake up in the morning and toothbrushes next to each other n all that and we were getting along great! Now with my husband I can not even visualize or fantasize anything such. Not only I would find it painful for me to watch but I love that I am his and only his and can not even imagine myself with another man. I am so physically attracted to him and I find this belonging gives me a peace of mind and confidence I have never encountered before. Sex is sex and it’s pleasurable at all times and everyone feels different about their body and is free to share with whom they want with it. Now I feel somehow my body is no longer mine, it’s his and feel turned on when I see him pleased and crazy after me. People should explore their sexuality n we all have lots to still discover i am sure, but we also have to explore our spirituality. The way i feel our bodies connect it’s just…insane! It’s like I’m high without weed lol. We all know it is all in happening in our brain and the it chemicals releases. Well my brain seems to totally goes nuts when he’s around. And yes, we are together for a long time and nothing changed. So you see guys, everyone finds their spirituality and feel sexually satisfied in different ways and no one should be judged for that. We all have our vices.

    And note to spouses that are trying to be convinced by their significant other into this: you guys are not on same wave and that’s the problem! One of you will always feel unhappy and will lead to cheating. When your spouse agreed into a monogamous relationship they should’ve known it is more then 99% chances this will never change. I would strongly advise sexual counseling before quitting, he/she may be just a little tired and confused about their own sexuality but there are amazing ways to rediscover and reinvent yourself and revive your relationship. If this doesn’t work either, means it is not sexual pleasure he/she is looking for, he/she just needs another person to feel happy and you are just not enough. You should let him/her go and find someone that feels the same with you cuz you have found in him what he hasn’t find in you. But no one should go out of their comfort zone or disregard their beliefs and do anything they find humiliating…your spouse will be happy and you will just be miserable.

    Peace to everyone and we all deserve to be happy!

    Reply

  30. Aidenkeidis Says:

    I just want to point out that ‘thall shalt not covet’ does not refer to purely sexual desires. Polygamous relationships where common place during these times and in this context ‘covet’ means desire to posses. One does not posses by simply having sex.

    Swinging does not contravine marriage as there is no infidelity, how can being allowed to or even encourage to do something be an unfaithful act?

    Reply

    • L Says:

      Except, if you’ve taken traditional vows you’ve likely stated, “… And forsake all others” before God and your families.

      So guess your word means nothing then?

      If you didn’t or had a civil ceremony than that’s another matter.

      Reply

  31. brad p. Says:

    Great article, well thought out. My parents were swingers. They were selfish and abusive. They had child porn and bestality porn inside our home. Although they never molested me or my brother. The ever chasing sexual adventure led to deviancy. My mother later became insane. My father a physcopath.
    I’m 48 and a man’s man but I well up with tears and feel a sense of eternal emptiness ever single day after having my childhood buffer of innocence and simple happiness exchanged for that lifestyle. It was stolen. Many of their fellow swingers were upstanding church members and community socialites. It made me into a rebel against society for many years. Confused and saddened in recent ones.
    Don’t do this if you have children. If your not down with monogamy then be a nasty slut and a ladies man stud muffin and be damn proud of it. Don’t hide in the shadows of a normal family cause this isn’t. Make your dogs your kids and your prick or clit your compass. And follow it till your emptied out and soulless. Because your gonna sell yours to pursue this.

    Reply

  32. intuition897 Says:

    My husband and I have a very rich, deeply rooted and emotionally intimate relationship. It’s solid as bedrock, and founded on truth, honesty, love, respect, and a heart-felt desire to make one another’s lives as complete and full as it can be. Cinderella ain’t got nothin’ on me. We’ve been married nearly 22 years now, and non-monogamous since 2003. We’ve been technically monogamous for the past 10 of those years because we’ve just been too busy to cultivate a social life, but our philosophy remains the same. Proof right there that the “you can never go back to monogamy” myth is patently false. Anyone who says swinging can’t possibly work, is morally corrupt, is indicative of a broken relationship, is degrading to women, is a hotbed of irresponsible STD-laden behaviour, or will eventually corrode even the strongest of relationships, needs to do their homework. You can take about 99% of everything you THINK you “know” about the lifestyle, turn it on its head, and you’ll have the truth of it. It is NOT the depravity you believe it to be. And if all you’ve got for an argument is a quote from the bible, please save your bandwidth. I grew up Anglican and know what it says. I don’t even want to get into it. Suffice to say I have outgrown the doctrines of the church and this sheep has no interest in coming back to the flock; I cannot in good conscience reject a self-evident truth just because one of Jesus’ fan clubs disagrees with it. My position on the matter will NOT change one iota, and my guess is that you’re not comfortable with changing your world view either. So we should just agree to disagree right now.

    Reply


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