Be Glad You’re Human

Thu, Jun 10, 2010

Articles, Humor

There is no question that dating within the Homo sapien world can have its fill of frustration, disappointment and often entails great effort yielding little rewards. However, many less fortunate species on our planet have it far worse. Take, for instance, the Helix Aspersa — otherwise known as the common garden snail. Courtship among garden snails consists of one circling the other for up to six hours while they bite at each other’s genitals — a scenario not even found within human dating reality television shows. Despite the fear of putting an idea into one of these show’s producers minds, next we’ll delve into the lovely world of hippopotamus dating. The male hippo flirts by twirling his tail towards the female in a propeller-type fashion. He then seals the deal by sending a stream of urine mixed with defecation hurling in his potential mate’s direction. For some inexplicable reason, female hippos find this irresistible — and a love connection is made.

Next, let’s explore the world of the sea slug. These creatures have a vagina embedded within one side of their head along with a penis coming out of the other side of their head. This leads to an infinite number of courtship scenarios ranging from interconnected orgy chains constituting a menage a trois all the way to a menage a twenty — feats not even imagined at the drunkest of fraternity parties. Think you’re prone to finding cold and heartless women? The praying mantis surely would trade places with you. After sexual intercourse the female mantis is prone to pull off the man’s head — and oftentimes eat it as a post-sex snack. No matter how bad your dating life gets, just be thankful you were born into the top of the evolutionary ladder.

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