Fighting over Money

Thu, Dec 3, 2009


During the first few months of any romantic relationship, both parties are absolutely intoxicated, infatuated. They feel that Love is all that is needed to survive this world’s challenges. But as months go by and problems mount, it gets a harder to believe love is all that’s required. One of the biggest problems any couple has to face in the long term is money. I hear this from a lot of my friends when they fight with their significant others. It’s a topic my boyfriend gets insecure about, most especially, when he doesn’t have enough cash to go out on dates or provide for both of us generally.

The thing with money

Fights over money are usually rooted in one of two realities about today’s society. The first is that men are expected to be providers, particularly as they grow older. Fights often begin when guys are unable or unwilling to deliver on this expectation.

Another source of conflict is not even romantic, but economic. We can all agree that the recession has influenced our finances-—whether related or not to our relationships. Reality teaches us that love isn’t what makes the world go around: money does. It’s essential for survival, and if we’re concerned about survival, then love often takes a back seat. Fights stem from our frustrations with money and we take it out on our loved ones. One argument my boyfriend and I had once simply started because we had no other person to take out our financial frustrations on.

How then do we avoid these kinds of fights?

Unfortunately, the answer to that question doesn’t involve avoiding fights. Fights are inevitable in any relationship but shouldn’t be seen as threatening. As long as fights are kept a minimum, then your situation can be considered normal. Fights sometimes come from one person keeping a problem inside too long and the other misunderstanding where it comes from. It is important that you both maintain regular communication about important issues like money, so that these fights eventually just become disagreements.

Communicating regularly about money won’t be a walk in the park. For starters, guys don’t like admitting they have money problems. It took my boyfriend a year before he started being open about not having enough money. At one point, his situation got so bad that he didn’t have enough to buy lunch regularly. I only found it through his actions or whenever I would insist on going out to eat. It’s best to keep in mind this attitude of men; they won’t automatically tell you their money problems. It’s up to the ladies to see figuring it out. Once you’ve picked up that something’s up financially, bring it up gently. Remind him that you’ll be there for him and that you’ll do what you can to help him out.

Once you’re both more open in talking about financial matters, you’re ready to take conquering money battles to the next level. Whether you’re married or simply have dated long enough, it’s essential for both of you to set financial goals. Talk about your common passions and work together toward acquiring something related to that. This reminds me of a good friend of mine. She and her boyfriend are both avid fans of scuba diving, so they both save up for adventurous trips in well-known diving hot spots. This only goes to show that common goals don’t just ease the burden on your bank account-—it gives you and your loved one a rewarding and shared experience.

It’s also important to set some money aside to surprise your significant other. Everyone loves a good treat, and letting him or her know you don’t mind splurging to please will definitely improve your chances of having fewer disagreements.

Reflecting over the money issue also makes us realize that maybe in the end, it’s the money you’re really fighting with and not one another. Keep in mind that money is something you can always have when you work hard for it. But your loved one is someone unique in this world. Don’t let money get in the way of a great relationship.

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3 Responses to “Fighting over Money”

  1. Raissa Says:

    I really like the point about how it’s the money that you’re fighting with, and not each other. It’s so pivotal to find out if you share the same values early. It’s too easy to get caught up on behaviors alone without looking at the values driving those behaviors in order to judge future predictability, and compatibility.


  2. test Says:

    a friend told me about this quite useful, eh!



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