Is Flirting Really “Innocent?”

Wed, Oct 28, 2009


I see a cute guy and our eyes meet. I brush my hair from my face and smile at him. He approaches, and we have a cup of coffee together. We both decide whether or not we will take our relationship to the next level.

Flirting is usually the act of getting another person’s attention either because you’re truly interested in him or her, or you are simply seeking the ego boost you’ll get when your interest is reciprocated.

Is this harmful? Are there necessarily any bad intentions behind it?

I don’t think so. Flirting is fun, and it’s normal. Everyone does it, whether they know it or not. Of course, you have to do even a little bit of flirting if you want to have a romantic relationship in the first place. I can definitely say that flirting in and of itself is innocent. It’s as harmless as giving someone you like a cookie. The potential dilemma lies in how the other person responds to your flirting, and if his or her response can turn out to be harmful for yourself or others.

I have heard some say that flirting should only be reserved for single people, and that married people should only flirt with their spouses. However, if you’re single and just met someone attractive, especially in an informal setting, I think your initial reaction is likely to belie your beliefs. It may be in the form of frequent sideway glances, shy smiles, or some other simple physical manifestation. It may also be more direct, like throwing out “pickup” lines. However you do it, consciously or not, it’s just your way of expressing what you feel.

Up to this point, I doubt that you’ll know whether someone you’re eyeing is married or not. If he shows you the same kind of attention and the whole thing gets more intimate, you still can’t be certain when and if he’ll ever tell you that he’s married. You’ll find out after some time. At this point, you’ll discover how much pain has been experienced by people you don’t even know because of your relationship.

Is it your fault that you flirted and things got out of hand?

The answer is an absolute NO. It is definitely not your fault. You’re single and looking. He’s married, yet he responded. I think the blame falls on him for not stopping the whole thing before you both got deeper into it. He’s the one who’s supposed to be committed, right?

Let’s say you flirted and things got out of hand–would it be your fault?

Well, in this case I would have to answer a big, resounding “YES!” Flirting is one thing. You may just want some kind of affirmation from someone you’re attracted to, or maybe you just want to play around because you’re bored. But if you actually follow through with it and things escalate to a physical level, then it’s an entirely different story.

It is true that if you’re married and you flirt, things can become a little dangerous. It is playing with fire. You have to make sure you can handle the heat and let go before you get burnt. If you know you can’t, then don’t even think of starting. So the next time you see a cute guy across the room and have that tempting feeling of wanting to brush your hair aside and give out that stunning smile of yours, make sure you are ready for the potential consequences of your actions. It may seem presumptuous at this point, but it is better to think first before you plunge into the unknowable.

In flirting, whether you’re married or not, you have to be conscious about your real goal. You have to know your limits to know how far you’re willing to take it later on. It is the intention that makes it either innocent or not. And it is your final decision that determines whether the flirting will put you in the wrong or not. Basically, flirting is just a tool that can lead to something good or bad. On its own, it is as innocent as a knife lying on top of a table.

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3 Responses to “Is Flirting Really “Innocent?””

  1. Keli Says:

    If you’re flirting with a married man, and you know he’s married, and you allow things to get out of hand…

    you’re just as guilty.
    .-= Keli´s last blog ..How Many Licks? =-.



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