They say that love is a many-splendored thing, but it is also an act that requires more than attraction and affection. One important thing every couple needs is the trust between them. Without trust, a relationship will be unable to grow. One common misconception about trust in relationships is that you should not keep secrets from one another.
Why would not keeping secrets be a misconception? For one thing, every person is entitled to some kind of private life. In the initial stages of my relationship, I strongly believed in not keeping secrets. Unfortunately, that belief caused a strain on how we dealt with one another. I ended up forcing him to tell me everything instead of letting him tell me things out of his own free will.
When it comes to open communication, it’s important to let your loved one tell you things in their own time. Relevant revelations will come as you get to know each other more. There are some personal matters, which may take time to be told. Secrets will always be there, but in the end, it is still up to you whether to reveal them or not.
Keeping and revealing secrets is a tricky matter
Although everyone is entitled to a private life, being in a relationship requires a special level of intimacy. The secrets you reveal should be beneficial to how your relationship will develop. You don’t need to tell everything, but you certainly need to tell about things that matter to your loved one. Secrets that usually fall into this category relate to your past career choices, family dynamics, and past financial issues. The ex’s your current beau doesn’t know personally don’t need to be revealed. But if you have dated one of his friends prior to knowing him, then it’s definitely worth telling.
Of course, any human being is entitled to a private life. There isn’t a need to reveal everything about yourself to your loved one. There certainly are some secrets best kept. Such secrets usually involve issues only affecting yourself but have no direct consequences on your current relationship. The past can be kept in the past, as long as it isn’t haunting your present. Otherwise, not revealing haunting past secrets can risk your future together.
More personal secrets don’t have a strict rule in terms of their revelation. These kinds of secrets are eventually revealed when the relationship is given enough time to develop. Personal secrets involving acts we’re ashamed of can either be forgotten or forgiven (by your significant other). If you’ve reached the stage where you’re both perfectly comfortable with one another, then talking about mistakes in the past won’t be so difficult. Talking about such matters will further develop what you already have. In fact, your significant other might find it meaningful to hear these secrets. He or she will be able to learn more about you and have a better appreciation of who you are now.
In the end, keeping secrets should not get in the way of a relationship going to the next level. When revealed at the right time, secrets can make your relationship more meaningful. But if a secret is told too early, then you might have risked your future. However, certain secrets make good tests to determining if your significant other is willing to accept you for who you really are. There are parts of our past or even present that we might be embarrassed of. But if these kinds of secrets are revealed and your loved one still accepts you, then you know the two of you are on the right track.
Keeping too many secrets is another big no-no in a relationship. Sure, we have a right to a private life, but just make sure you’re not so private your lover doesn’t know who you are any more. Be consistent with what you tell them, so it won’t lead to having doubts about you and your relationship.
Trust is a tricky matter to deal with at first. But as long as you are cautious and confident in one another, then love can certainly do the rest.
Thu, Jan 14, 2010
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