The Dating Dope

Opinions about sex and dating are like belly buttons — everyone has one. Many admonitions and advice about when, where and how sex is appropriate during the initial stages of a relationship turn out to be old wives’ tales, and it is often to discern good advice out of the abundance of myths and misinformation. When it comes to sex on the first date, many say this immediately dooms the relationship. This is untrue — there are myriad happily married couples who happened to have hooked up during their first date. In actuality, seeing we are all unique, there are no firm and fast rules when it comes to when sex is appropriate — that depends upon the individuals as well as the characteristics of their specific relationship.

One thing that is true is that women can’t be as carefree about sex as men can be. This has societal and biological causes, and both parties should be cognizant of this fact. Women who date guys who tend to sleep around with a lot of women probably will not change — at least not immediately. Most importantly, women should not use sex as a motivator or weapon within a relationship. Outside of these general parameters, the details of how intimacy progresses within a relationship is unique to that relationship — what works with one partner might not work with a future one. Having sex early on in a relationship is not a problem in and of itself — the problem usually lay in how the parties behave after the initial sexual encounter. Take a moment and understand that no matter what you read or hear, there are only a few simple rules when it comes to this arena and the rest you must figure out on your own.

The Washington Post recently ran an expose about a new service which offers online daters — mostly male — a turnkey service allowing for dating without any of the antecedent effort. These online dating assistants will craft your profiles, select your best pictures and make contact with your targets initiating winks, IM’s and emails. These services range in price, but one salient one has packages quoted at $600 a month for 3 dates and $1000/month for a guarantee of at least 6 dates a month. The employees of the online dating assistant firm — like all true salesmen — are paid commission only for dates successfully arranged. Many are surely gagging at this concept and wondering how one is supposed to step into the shoes created by another once you meet your date in person.

It is reminiscent of the plot line of the classic movie The Truth About Cats And Dogs where a male caller develops a relationship with a female radio show host — which doesn’t translate in real life. The Washington Post piece mentions that many “high powered” types have long had their personal assistants or secretaries arrange Internet dates for them, and they see nothing wrong with this service allowing for effective time management. Others think that online dating is artificial even when the participants don’t employ “stand-ins”. One wonders if the scenario has ever happened where one online dating assistant representing a guy runs into another one representing the girl. That would give new meaning to the phrase “i’ll have my people call your people”.

Odds are that you’ve been bombarded with dating site ads adorning the right side of your Facebook page with come-ons such as “Meet Her Tonight!!”. Of course, the pictures in all of these ads are of stunning girls — most often in casual poses or in a self-shot style attempting to lend them an aura of credibility. Are these pictures of actual members of the dating site being advertised, and does the chick in the picture really want to meet you?? The answers are no — and no. These ads are run by third party advertisers, and they notoriously scrape pictures of good looking women to use for ads who have nothing to do with their site. There is one famous story of a guy seeing his own girlfriend pop up in an ad on his Facebook page.

The amusing part is that these ads are most typically targeted for the user. If your profile indicates that you are a single 20-something guy, then you will receive a constant stream of these dating ad sites with hotties invitingly beckoning you to join so they can meet you. Alternatively, if you sign up as a 55 year old female, then those dating ads will disappear only to be replaced by ads for wrinkle cream and crochet patterns. In what Facebook users considered to be a serious invasion of privacy, outside marketers would view profiles and specifically craft ads with pictures meant to appeal directly to you. If the girls were real that might be ok, but seeing they are fake that advertising approach is just plain creepy.