The Sex On The First Date Debate

Sun, Sep 19, 2010


One of the oldest questions women have had with dating is whether they should have sex on the first date. Traditionally, it has been frowned upon because of the belief that men do not look at women they have sex with on the first date as long term material and it prevents a serious relationship from developing.

Does this still apply today? Attitudes towards sex have become more casual in modern times, and not just for non-monogamous hookups. Many couples that end up married had sex on their first dates and it was never an issue.

One of the problems with the view that women should not have sex on the first date is that it treats sex as something women “give” to men, something that has been earned as a reward. This completely takes women’s enjoyment of sex out of the picture. If it is something they want as well, there is nothing to be earned or given. It is a matter of two people enjoying an intimate experience together.

The rule should be that there is no rule for this issue. One size fits all, and many times it is the wrong decision to have sex on the first date. It is a matter of judging one’s own desires, the intentions of the partner, and whether both people understand each other. It is always better to use all of your attention on the specifics of your situation than distract yourself with an unrealistic one-size-fits-all rule.

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